The Great Incest Jokes War


Erick was going through some random images website, when he saw himself looking at a picture of an amazing brunette. His hand took a life of its own, and soon he was trying to wake his dick up.

There was so much porn around nowadays, that sometimes he just liked to go back to the basics. Just a beautiful, sexy woman, smiling at the camera. Well, if she was wearing a bikini, it wouldn’t hurt. His dick was already semi-hard when his door suddenly opened. Trying to act cool wasn’t Erick’s best trait, and as soon as his mother laid her eyes on him, he knew he was screwed.

– H-Hey, mom… What’s up?

He tried to take his hand away from his dick slowly, but his sheets appeared to be in a hurricane when his hand moved away. The worst thing was that as soon as his hand left, the sheets remained in a way that looked like there was a huge erection under it. His mother was laughing her ass off.

– Happy to see… Mommy?

She said that with this… diabolic smile on her face, pretty much her trade mark. Using this overly sensual tone, that she would use in all of her jokes nowadays.

Erick had a sour look on his face, dropping his gaze back to his phone, rapidly closing the website.

– I really wish you’d stop with the whole incest shebang. It’s been two months since the fucking documentary. Two months, mom.

She looked at him for a while, and then just rolled her eyes, letting her arms fell to the side in a dramatic gesture.

-Aww, come on! It’s our thing, dude! Our mother-son screwing each other… Thing.

-Why can’t it be scrap booking or something!? At this point I’d even go for book coloring.

-Nahh, that isn’t my deal. I much prefer traumatize you. Now go to the kitchen and eat something. You can’t live off of masturbation you know.

Erick sighed heavily and headed to the kitchen, pushing his mother in the way.

To Erick, the whole incest joking wasn’t that big of a deal, really. It was like any other annoying, awkward joke, any parents would do to their kids. So, yeah. In a way it was a big deal. It started in a boring Saturday, which Erick had promised to spend with his mom and dad. Initially they wanted to go out, eat something and then go to the movies, but they weren’t counting on the television to ruin their plans. First his father sat on the couch, and started watching some random action movie. Then Erick sat, and his father knowing his hate for action flicks, changed the channel to something more neutral.

When the time came for them to get ready, his mother was already sitting with a bucket of popcorn on her lap, looking defeated.

But the thing about television this days is that… It isn’t Netflix. It can go from Steven Seagal killing somebody with a fork, to a documentary showing the increase in incest-related porn in the industry. And that was exactly what happened. Erick suddenly felt like he was teleported from a place where he was texting somebody on his phone, while watching TV, to another dimension where he was trapped between his father and mother, watching some dude with a giant toupee talk about incest porn. The worst of it all, he decided, was his parents acting like everything was normal. If you’d look at their faces, It would look like they were watching ghost busters.

After one hour and a half of Erick feeling like the dude from 127 hours, with his arm trapped under a rock, but without the option of cutting it off, the documentary finally ended and the credits rolled, which prompted a normal response from his parents: An awkward silence. Erick welcomed the response, feeling like they realized how messed up the situation was. The silence didn’t last long, because soon his parents couldn’t stop with the incest-related jokes, and with the laughing.

Two whole months had passed since that dark day, but the jokes kept on coming. Literally. The very day he was almost caught in the act, Erick was sitting on his bed, reading from his Kindle, when out of nowhere, he heard his mother yelling from the other room:


He was petrified. The pillow was on his head in a second, covering his ears for what seemed to be minutes, then he threw the thing to the other side of the room, and yelled back:


Suddenly there was footsteps coming from his parent’s room. Erick could picture his mother walking towards his room, with a smile on her face, with her grandma-ironic-wearing nightgown. She opened his door and with a dumbfounded look on her face, asked the boy:

– What was that?

It wasn’t working, he decided. His annoyance and suffering was just making it even more fun to her. She was the devil. He decided on taking a different approach.

– Oh, nothing. Just sending a voice message to a friend. What was that about daddy? Is he out?

Erick got the response he wanted. His mother was genuinely dumbfounded this time. He could finally win the great incest-jokes war.

escort portalı He… he is working late. So, what? You’re just gonna ignore the hilarious daddy issues joke I just made? That’s just plain mean mister.

His mother was, in fact, wearing the grandma-style nightgown. But somehow, and that wasn’t the first time he had that thought, she made it look surprisingly sexy. She’d always wear it with her raven hair down, and with a couple of the chest located buttons opened. Of course, still being grandma looking, the gown didn’t have a big cleavage, so it didn’t show much. But it did show the freckles on her chest, that was always glistening from the lotion she would use.

Erick focused back on his phone, barely looking up while answering his mother:

– Oh, yeah. That was hilarious. Incest and everything. Fun.

He could see, from the corner of his eye, his mother crossing her arms on top of her chest, in a dramatic gesture. That was fast, he thought. She was already annoyed.

– Don’t play a game you can’t win, Erick. You better get back to your “Being annoyed and awkward” way, while I crack my jokes. Or there will be… Trouble.

She was staring at him now, flashing eyebrows at him, with a forcefully shut mouth.

– Why would I do that? I think your, and dad jokes are hilarious. Really, I’m all up for it.

Still looking at his phone, he saw his mother initially look deeply annoyed. And then helpless. Then… this impish look came upon her, followed by her tossing her hair to the right side of the shoulder, and forcing her cleavage a little bit lower. She started slowly walking towards him.

Focusing on the phone now would be a bad idea, so he looked up at his mother, while trying to act bored. That proved… Hard. The impish look on her face, almost wild, was one of the sexiest things he had ever seen. Her eyebrows were curved to the center of her face, her mouth was slightly open, showing her big, perfect teeth, in a… Well, Impish, diabolical smile. The cleavage was just a bonus. His mother wasn’t just beautiful, that he had known since he was just a kid. She was sexy, cute, exciting. That was the thing. But yes, the cleavage was an welcomed bonus. The freckles in the top of her ample, tanned looking, big chest. It filled the grandma nightgown completely. It always did. She had one of those “Doesn’t matter what I wear, it will always look tight around my chest” looking breasts. She was almost reaching the foot of his bed now.

– Oh, Really!? They are hilarious now? Maybe… maybe I should amp up the game then.

Yeah, he realized. He was fucked. Before he knew, his dick was harder than metapod after using harden. Being eighteen-years-old meant that it wouldn’t take a minute to go from soft as a cooked spaghetti to hard as a cop baton. His mother was encircling her freckles with her fingers now, slowly drifting them through her glistening chest.

– Well, If you have to “amp up the game” then, That means that… You should probably look for new jokes. As in non-incest related jokes. Like a normal mom. Steve’s mom, for instance. She’s cool, right?

She was nodding through his whole speech, still with the impish look on her face. And the fingers going through her chest. God, the fingers… Erick thought.

– Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe you will crack, and go back to being miserable about my jokes, like any eighteen-year-old should be.

His mother was halfway through his bed now, and started slowly drifting her right hand through his bed sheets, aiming towards his right leg. Maybe his new approach was shit, he thought. Erick’s mom was famous for taking a joke to its very limit. Deep down, he knew she wouldn’t actually do anything… But try saying that to a horny eighteen-year-old, hormone-filled, brain.

– Wh- Why would I be miserable about your jokes? I love them. More than…doritos. And…cheetos. And, well, you’re my mom and all, but… I’m not complaining about the view.

He decided that was just brilliant. Fighting fire with fire. He nodded towards her glistening chest, and she was instantly taken aback. The hand, now moving in circles through his leg hairs, slightly above his knee, stopped. She looked down to her chest for a couple of seconds, and when her face came back up, the impish look was still there. But the smile was bigger now. Yeah, he was fucked alright… Erick though.

– Is that so? You make me blush, young man. You shouldn’t have these thoughts about your mother. Your poor, old mother.

She was good. It was like a compilation of incest-porn cliche. And she said it with a well over the top, sexy tone. She had one knee in the bed now, between Erick’s legs, which were uncovered, the sheets only covering his crotch area and torso. He was wearing just an small shorts, made of some kind of silk, really thin stuff. Her knee was ever so slowly moving up towards his crotch. The hand went back to its circles, through his leg hairs. He faked a relaxed smile escort gaziantep portalı and threw his hands to the back of his head.

– I’m not cracking, mom. Having a ball here. Good times.

Now the hand was moving up too, her leg was making a big wave in the sheets, almost reaching his crotch. She had an “Oh, really?” expression on her face, while in a bending over position, making Erick almost faint trying not to look down her cleavage. But that, he suddenly realized, would not be fighting fire with fire. So he instantly looked down at her ample, freckle-covered breasts, making a show out of it, trying to pretend he was enjoying it ironically. He wasn’t. He had never saw so much of it. There were new freckles to be seen, and he noticed how the tan didn’t go much deeper. Her chest had this descending shade, going from moderately tanned to almost milky white. He forgot about her impish smile, that was the new sexiest thing he had ever seen. She slightly curved her head down, and started going faster, while looking more impish than ever, taking notice of what he just did.

– You like them? It has been a while since… You know. Sucked on them.

Her leg reached it’s destination, and she stopped all the act. All of it. A look of surprise came upon her face, and Erick knew she felt it. He was in panic mode. He had a faint notion that his dick was pointing downwards, but he wanted to believe that it wasn’t. His mother had just felt his full-on erection rub in her right leg.

Millions and gazillions of thoughts crossed Erick’s mind. He picked out one, and decided to go with it. He would use it against her. He would won… The great incest-jokes war.

– Does that answer your question… mom?

For a second, he thought he’d won. He could have sworn he felt her retreating some inches… and then he felt a nudge in his crotch. And another.

– Is that all for me, baby?

She was crawling towards him again, all the act was back at once, the hand on the leg, the bending over, and now… the crotch nudging. He felt pre-cum oozing from his dick, probably due to all the sensations, back at once. The line “Famous for taking a joke to its limits” suddenly flashed in his mind.

– Mom… Where is this heading? I’m not backing down. I love your jokes. I love… Your body. Th- That’s right. I love your body. The freckles on your big tits, they’re making me… Jesus Christ… They’re making me hard.

He decided to be the one to show skin this time, letting the sheets fall from his torso to the bed, and propping himself up to let the rest fall between his back and his pillow, supported by the bed frame. He was reading before this battle started, after all. He had, what you would call it, a skinny muscle-showing, body. Some people would say that it was the same that big tits in a fat girl. But the girls seemed to confuse it for ripped.

Erick felt again, his mother retreat for mere inches. But then he felt something coming. He remembered the patterns… How she would counteract everything he did with something even greater. He was faster than her.

– To answer your question, Yes. This is all for you… Mom.

He tried to fake a sly smile, give her a little bit of her own medicine. It didn’t last long, as for as soon as he did, she was reaching for the sides of the grandma-looking nightgown, each arm reaching for the opposite side. She looked at him during the whole process, the eyebrows curved to the center, the mouth slightly open in an impish smile. His mother pulled the nightgown upwards in a slow, overly sensual motion. The sly smile was long gone when the nightgown hit the floor. She paused for a second, looking at his body. He was looking at hers.

– Wow… look at that. And all mine? Does that also mean the hard thing I just felt on my leg?

Erick could just make out “Hard thing” and “On my leg”. He couldn’t stop staring at his mother’s breasts. He could definitely see the shades now: The tanning, in the upper chest, descending smoothly to a milky/brownish white, down towards the center of those big, meaty globes. Famous for taking a joke to its limits. He wasn’t so sure about anything anymore. What if she actually does something?

– Well, if it’s mine, and what is mine I can touch it, maybe I should feel it?

She said that with a slight nod towards Erick, it felt like she was actually acknowledging her own bluffing. He definitely heard her this time, even while taking a tour through her body. He was drinking the sight of her stomach now, intrigued. There was no indication of muscle, or definition. But what made it even sexier, was that there was no indication of fat either. Even when she resumed the bending over position, there was still no flab or muffin top. It was perfect. He wanted desperately to feel it.

Before he could look at the rest of her; Her crotch; Her legs, she slightly pulled his leg hairs, wanting his attention. She was biting her lower lip, and Erick trembled. Because the moment he saw it, he knew that… That was a genuine reaction.

– Somebody likes what he sees.

– So do you. Besides, you’re the one touching me. Maybe I should do it too.

– Touch yourself? By all means, do it. Do it for… Mommy.

She was good. It was an Oscar-worthy performance, and still, a performance. He felt relieved.

– What if I want to touch Mommy?

His mother hesitated. Didn’t retreat this time, just hesitated. He knew he was screwed.

She leaned back on her knees again, and for a second he thought she was gonna reach for her bra, and she did. But the front of it. Eric’s mother started cupping her own breasts, slowly bending over towards him, shaking them, one at the time, then simultaneously. He could almost feel the consistency of them, just by looking. She grabbed them and her breasts melted to her touch, surrounding her hands. Nothing fake or even ironic this time. It was genuine.

– What… these? You wanna touch Mommy in here? Well, if you really want to, how do we do it? Me, laying on top of you… Or you, on top of me?

He was speechless. His world was the vibrations on his mother’s breasts. The smooth skin vibrating, but somehow still a certain firmness to it. More pre-cum came flowing from his dick, and he could not suppress a moan escaping his mouth. As soon as he moaned, his mother actually stopped the act. And retreated… a lot. She sat back on her legs, her butt probably laying on top of her feet. He knew what to do. Erick started moving towards his mother.

– Me, on top of you. That’s how we do it… Mommy.

He was moving fast now, faster than she ever did. It was his only chance to win, to act as real as she did. She remained motionless, even when he pushed her towards the bed, even when he straddled her, with his legs to each side of hers. She remained motionless with the exception of her right arm, with her hand laying on his left chest, slightly pushing him, an act of pure insecurity. She was buying it.

– Really? You’re… you’re gonna actually… touch Mommy?

She was clearly breathless. Breathless and unsure. Erick decided to first dip his toe in the water, see its reaction. He started running his right hand through her left leg, first just the tip of the fingers, and then the inside of the palm. Just like she did with him, with the exception that there was no hair on his mother’s leg. It was as smooth as the silk in his shorts. Even better, it was warm, and as soon as he started, covered in goosebumps.

– I can’t resist. When I see the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen, I have to touch it.

Now it was his time to be real. He realized he’d just told her the truth, there was no irony in it. And just like him, she saw the authenticity in it.

– But… What about you’re father? He could get home any time now.

The fake sensuality was back, but she was doing a bad job at it. She was still breathless, uncertain. Erick took notice of it, and pushed even further. He slowly drifted his hand from her upper thigh to her stomach, first caressing it with the back of his hand, and then with his palm, feeling it rising and falling. Looking at her in the eyes, he saw when she bit her lower lip again.

– You know that’s not true. Besides, we would hear him.

Now he was the one giving the Oscar worthy performance, slightly curving his head and giving the sly smile again. Deep down he knew they were going to far, realizing he’d just said something true. Something real. She was slowly caressing his chest now, but what made him feel uneasy, was that she wasn’t making a big deal out of it. She was just… doing it.

– Well… I’m not stopping you, baby.

This time it wasn’t even a good comeback. It was just… a statement. If felt too real. And she quickly realized it. But still, too late. She was looking at him, her eyes flashing from one to another of his, he could feel her warm breath in his cheeks. She was definitely breathing fast. There was no expression on her face, her mouth slightly opened. Maybe he could see some kind of… Expectation in it. Hope, maybe. He couldn’t back down now. His hand started moving on its own, first making a circle around her belly button, somehow he knew where it was, so he kept looking at her, hoping she would crack. She felt warm, smooth, the goosebumps wouldn’t go away, making the touch even more erotic. He wasn’t even close to her breast, when more pre-cum came from his penis, followed by a moan escaping his lips. She heard it again, but she neither hesitate nor retreated. His mom started rubbing his chest with more intensity, slightly grabbing at it. He was feeling her mid section now, there was some definition there, he could feel the depression on her belly, the muscles there. He decided to get it over with, before things went too far. He looked at her, flashed his sly smile, and shot his hands to her breasts, squeezing them over her black lace underwear and instantly she moaned. That certainly made him realize what he was doing. When he looked at her, taking his hands away, Her eyes were closed forcefully, and she was again biting her lower lip. She had a regretful look on her face. When she opened her eyes slowly, looking at him with a questioningly look on her face, Erick said:

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