Mating Rituals Ch. 05


Cherie experiences love in the wilderness

Author’s notes:

1. This is a work of fiction. The activities and practices described in this story are not necessarily either condoned or recommended. If you choose to do anything described in real life with real people you do so at your own risk.

2. All characters are fictional and any likeness to any living person is purely coincidental. The story is purely imaginary and, to the author’s knowledge, bears no relationship to any factual occurrence.

3. This is the fifth chapter of the ‘Mating Rituals’ series — it is a standalone story but will make more sense if you read chapters 1 to 4 first (and why would you not want to do that?).


Yvonne invited her in and she took a seat in the comfortable chair. Their conversation began generally, Yvonne asking her about her life and her studies, then gradually and gently tried to uncover the festering wounds beneath. Finally she simply asked Cherie to tell her story.

“Gary was the most wonderful man I have ever met, apart from my father of course. We courted gently at first, he being very shy while I was recovering from a total betrayal by a previous boyfriend. We were both gun-shy, so to speak. Very gradually we grew to love and trust each other, even moving in together into my parent’s home. Sex was fantastic. He was most certainly the best lover I’ve had, except maybe for my father.”

Despite herself Yvonne could not suppress the surprise that showed on her face at this revelation. As a therapist she knew she was expected to be non-judgemental and totally unshockable, but the frank admission of incest still brought up her own feelings after being raped by her father. She quickly tried to hide the look on her face, but Cherie had noticed it and had stopped her story.

“Sorry, Cherie, I just have bad memories of a less than consensual intimate relationship with my own father,” explained Yvonne, “However, I take it that your intimacies with your dad were both enjoyable and consensual?”

“Oh yes,” enthused Cherie remembering the many times she and her dad had made love, including when he took her virginity.

“Then please continue with your story.”

“After we moved into my parents’ home we slept every night together in my bed or sometimes we moved into my parents’ room and we all slept together there. Mix and match we called it. Then Gary and I went on a week-long ecology field trip where we slept together in our tent each night. We collected enough data to complete our dissertations and we would have both graduated a couple of months later. Gary had obtained a wonderful job, starting in a few months’ time, and persuaded the management to employ me as his field assistant, so we would have spent time in the mountains, observing wildlife and making love every night in our secluded hut in paradise.

“However, I’m digressing and that became just a dream. Just thinking about these possibilities that never eventuated causes me to mourn his loss even more.”

Cherie couldn’t go on and took a tissue from the box and soaked up her tears as her shoulders heaved with the emotional grief that followed the loss of her beloved Gary. She pulled herself together while Yvonne maintained a watchful eye, noting Cherie’s responses.

“Then came that wonderful evening when he proposed to me at the restaurant beside a lake under the full moon. Such a romantic setting . . . . “

Cherie paused, her thoughts returning to that evening, her decision. How she wished she could change that decision. It was all her fault. She’d brought all this misery on herself. Another tissue, more tears. With difficulty and a conscious effort she pulled herself together.

“After a few moments thought I accepted. I agreed to become his wife. He slipped the beautiful diamond ring on my finger.” She held up her right hand where the ring sparkled in the lights of the office on her third finger. “We hugged and kissed in the moonlight then went home and made love all night long it seemed. Next morning we told Mom and Dad that we were going to be married and of course they were absolutely thrilled. Mom started planning the wedding there and then, while Dad suggested an engagement party would be the first necessity. We agreed on a date and sent out invitations. It was to be held at home. Oh how I wish it had never happened!”

Cherie shed more tears while Yvonne watched, encouraging her to really feel the pain of her loss. After a while Cherie continued.

“On the afternoon of the party it was very hot and sunny. Gary and I had spent the morning at the beach and on our return had parked his car opposite the house. We went inside but I decided I needed my sunglasses which I’d left in his car. I borrowed the keys, collected the glasses, and left the keys in my pocket, forgetting all about them in the excitement and activity of the afternoon.

“People began arriving; Gary and I greeted them at the door and accepted their good wishes and presents gratefully. It was a wonderfully beşiktaş escort joyful occasion. Mom and Dad were being perfect hosts, offering drinks and nibbles around and chatting with our friends on the back deck. As the evening approached the temperature dropped and Gary looked for his jacket, which he’d left in the car. He went to fetch it, apparently forgetting the keys weren’t in his pocket. I remembered his keys a few seconds later and raced down the path to give them to him, but too late. He had just crossed the road and was standing in the far lane feeling in his pockets. I saw a car moving at normal speed along the road on the near of the road then heard the roar of a large engine and saw another car pull out to pass the slower moving car, which had blocked his view of Gary. Gary had just realized he didn’t have his keys and must have been focused on the slower car so was waiting for it to pass before returning to collect his keys. The fast car sped past the slow car and ran straight into Gary.”

Cherie stopped again, her body heaving as she saturated two more tissues. After several minutes she managed to continue her story.

“I saw the car hit him. Everything seemed to slow down. His legs shattered first and his body flew over the hood of the car and straight through the windscreen. He must have gone through head first as there was a fountain of blood and he hit the driver, probably killing him instantly. The car continued at high speed, veering to the right and stopping after it broke off a power pole then hit a concrete wall.”

Yvonne noticed that Cherie had seemed to lose all emotion and was reciting the incident emotionlessly, almost like an automaton.

“Both Gary and the driver appeared to be dead. I ran to him, oblivious to the broken glass and live power wires arcing on the road, but there was nothing I could do.” The emotion returned. “I felt so helpless,” she sobbed, then tearfully added: “The police told me later that the driver had been drinking and playing poker with mates all afternoon and was heading to the liquor store to buy some more bourbon, so he was obviously drunk and should never have been driving at all.”

Cherie broke down into uncontrollable sobbing once more. Yvonne waited until she had composed herself again, but then Cherie continued with the reprisals, regrets and grief.

“If only I’d said ‘no’. If only I’d given him back his keys; if I’d taken my glasses with me when I went inside. It’s all my fault and now he’s gone and dead and we’ll never live the dreams we planned, never bounce our children on our knees. Oh what do I do now? How do I go forward from this?”

Cherie sobbed for a long time, her shoulders shaking, body heaving as she released with the grief that was ruling her body. Yvonne watched impassively, as she was trained to do, observing, making a few notes, waiting for the emotions to decrease and resisting the urge to comfort her, knowing that this would only encourage her to stuff the emotions down rather than release them.

After a while Cherie seemed to run out of steam. Her sobs slowed, her grief appeared to lessen, so Yvonne began the very necessary therapy.

“Cherie,” she began quietly yet firmly, “I want you to sit back in your chair and take in a deep breath then let it out.”

She waited until Cherie had done that, then continued. “Now I want you to take in a deep breath of love, the love Gary had and still has for you and you for him. Breathe that in and feel it permeate your whole body. Just feel that now, as you have felt it in the past when you were with him.”

She waited while Cherie did this, allowing the process to take as long as it took. Once she was calmer, Yvonne continued with a softer voice.

“Now, I want you to just relax and imagine yourself in a wonderfully peaceful place, the most peaceful place you’ve ever been in.”

She watched Cherie lose some of her tension and sit further back and more comfortably in her chair.

“Now I want you to find a mentor here, someone who you trust to guide you today. When you’ve found a mentor, just let me know who that is.”

“Yes, it’s my Dad.”

“That’s just perfect. Thank him for being here for you today.”

“Thank you, Dad, for coming to help me today.”

“Now, right where you are in this peaceful spot, I want you to allow a campfire to start up. The nature of this campfire is unconditional love and acceptance. Just let me know when that’s all set up.”

“Yes, it’s here,” confirmed Cherie.

“Now I want you to bring to that campfire your younger self, the person who witnessed the crash, and the driver of the car and, of course, Gary. Just allow them to appear, and thank them for coming here today.”

“Yes, they’re here. Can I give Gary a hug and kiss?”

“Of course you can, sweetheart.”

After a short time Cherie again confirmed that they were all here.

“Now, I’d like the younger you to speak to the car driver and tell him exactly how you feel about his beşyol escort actions. Tell him how they’ve affected you. Just say the words out loud as though he was standing in front of you, which he is in consciousness.”

Cherie paused, then told him how she felt about what he had done, how he had taken the best person in her life from her, how devastatingly lonely life was without Gary, how she hated him and was pleased he was dead. Once she was finished, Yvonne asked Cherie to let the driver reply to what she’d said.

“I’m deeply sorry,” he replied through Cherie, who then explained what he had told her. “He’s hanging his head in shame. He feels really bad about what he did and about himself. His wife had left him a few days earlier, ran off with another man, and he knew he had a drinking problem but he did that to hide his pain. He’s apologizing once again and says that if he could take back his actions and change things he would do so without hesitation.”

“That’s great,” replied Yvonne. “So what does your younger self reply to him?”

“You’re still a bastard,” said Cherie angrily, “I hate you. I never want to see you again. May you rot in hell.”

“You still seem to have a lot of anger towards him,” commented Yvonne. “I want you to please just allow yourself to step inside his body and feel what life was like for him. Just do that, have a look at life through his eyes, then step out again and let me know.”

Cherie was silent for several minutes and then just burst into tears. “I’m out again,” she said between sobs, “He was so lonely, so angry, had so much pain, had no idea how to cope with life. There was no love there at all. Compared with the love Gary and I shared, his life was absolutely desolate. I don’t know how anyone could live with that.”

“Great, you’re doing so well,” encouraged Yvonne. “Now, speak to him again from your heart, knowing how he felt and what life was like for him. Just say the words out loud.”

“You poor, poor man. I feel very sorry for how your life was. But that is still no reason to drive drunk and kill Gary.” Cherie doubled over, sobbing, after this last statement. Yvonne waited patiently until Cherie had calmed a little, then continued encouragingly.

“Wonderful. You’re doing so well, Cherie. Now, speaking to your younger self, I want to ask her if she’s willing to completely and utterly forgive this driver from the bottom of her heart.”

“No! Never! I can never forgive the driver for what he did,” said Cherie vehemently.

“Hmmm, Ok, so I just wonder if you could tell me the advantages of not forgiving him please.”

“Um, well, ah, really there are none.”

“So why would you not forgive him? Forgiveness is for you, not for him; it’s so you can move on with your life. Why would you not want that for you? It doesn’t mean you condone what he did. It simply means that you’re not going put your energy into retaining the hatred you now feel for him. So I’ll ask the younger you once again; even though you in no way condone his behavior and even though his behavior was despicable, are you willing to completely and utterly forgive him from the bottom of your heart so you can move on with life?”

Cherie hesitated for several minutes, obviously considering, then she finally replied quietly. “Yes.”

“That’s wonderful. So say the words of forgiveness out loud to him now.”

“Driver, even though I despise your actions, I completely and utterly forgive you from the bottom of my heart for killing Gary.”

“Well done, Cherie,” said Yvonne, noting that was the first time she had referred to Gary’s death without breaking down in tears. “Now, I want you to get a box and a brush from your mentor and go through your younger self’s body and clear out everything about the driver from your body into the box, making sure you get everything from within the cells and molecules and between the cells and molecules. Just let me know when this is completely complete.”

Cherie took several minutes to carry out this instruction, after which Yvonne had her pass the box back to her mentor and he threw it in the fire. She then instructed Cherie to get a pair of scissors from her mentor and to cut the energy cords that joined her younger self to the driver. After that Cherie seemed considerably more relaxed and composed so Yvonne took her through the same process again with her present day self. Once that was complete she seemed quite relaxed and far more composed.

“How’re you feeling now?” asked Yvonne.

“Mmmm, much better, thank you. Can I talk to Gary now?”

“Yes. Just ask him to come over to your younger self and then let your younger self say to him what she really wants to say to him.”

A few seconds went by before Cherie began speaking to Gary. “Darling, I loved you and I still love you. I don’t know how I’ll live my life without you, but I do know that I’ll find a way. Thank you for your love, for all the wonderful times we had together. I am so sorry I didn’t give back beykent escort your keys; if I had you may still be alive now.”

Cherie stopped talking and tears trickled down her cheeks again. Yvonne spoke softly to her. “Now, let Gary reply to you. What would Gary say from his soul?”

“Darling, I loved you too and I still do. You made what were my last months in that lifetime the most beautiful time I could possibly have imagined. But everything must have an end. It was my time to leave; I know that now. From where I am in this beautiful spiritual place, I know it was my time and I know that everything has a plan which we cannot know when we are living in an earthly lifetime. So it is now time for you to move forward and for me to become just a memory for you until we meet again in many years’ time.”

As Cherie spoke the words that were flowing from Gary’s spirit, she realized what she was saying and again tears flowed, but this time she was smiling, possibly her first smile since the tragic accident. As she rested after the words stopped flowing, Yvonne spoke again.

“Does your younger self have anything more to say to Gary?”

“Only to tell him again that I love him dearly and always will. Thank you for coming into my life; thank you for all the fun we had together. Goodbye, darling, till we meet again.”

“Now, does your younger self need to give or receive any forgiveness from Gary?” asked Yvonne.

Cherie weas silent for several minutes before she replied. “No, I thought I needed to receive forgiveness for contributing to the situation by having his keys but he assures me that is not the case; some things were just meant to be and everything is absolutely perfect exactly as it is, he tells me.”

“That’s true,” replied Yvonne, “You need to remember that is always true. Is there anything to clean out of your younger self’s body about Gary?”

“No. Only love remains.”

“That’s wonderful. So get the scissors from your mentor and cut the energy cords between your younger self and Gary, put love on the ends and let the ends go back into the bodies.”

After a few seconds Cherie nodded and Yvonne continued. “Now let your younger self sit down and ask your present day self what she needs to say to Gary.”

Cherie told Gary how much she loved him, that she’d been really looking forward to marrying him and having his children, but that she understood that everything happens for a reason and she now feels a lot better about the whole situation than she did earlier. Yvonne then asked her how Gary would reply.

“He says that he will always love me, he was looking forward to marriage and children also, but that wasn’t to be this time. He is also telling me to go out and live life to the fullest, he has no hold over me even though we were engaged to be married, so I’m to go out and find someone else because he knows I need a partner and will be desperately lonely without one. Thank you, Gary, I will do that but it will be difficult to find anyone as wonderful as you were.”

Yvonne knew it was time to wrap this up and asked if anything else needed to be said; nothing more was needed, there was nothing to clear out so after cutting the energy cords Yvonne instructed Cherie to thank Gary and the driver for being here today and told them to step into the fire of unconditional love and acceptance. She then told Cherie’s younger self to merge with the present day Cherie, then ask if the mentor had any words of wisdom.

“Dad’s telling me to live life fully and completely and to love again and accept love,” said Cherie.

“So thank your mentor for that and let him also step into the fire, knowing you can have access to his wisdom whenever you need it.”

The fire then went out, Cherie checked out how she would be in a week, a month and a year in the future, then she was told she could open her eyes when all parts of her were fully integrated. After a minute or so she opened her eyes and smiled at Yvonne.

“How do you feel?” asked Yvonne.

“So much better,” said a relaxed and smiling Cherie. “What did we just do? It seemed really weird at times.”

“I took you through one of the core parts of a process called The Journey which is a modality that allows you to clear out past traumas and cause you to heal at the cellular level. It is far more effective than counselling, which brings issues to the fore but seems to be unable to clear these very often.”

“Oh, Ok, thank you. Whatever it was, it seems to have worked, but I feel really tired.”

“Yes, you will for a while. Get plenty of rest and you’ll probably find that life is fine for you from now on. If you have any problems please call me.” Yvonne handed Cherie her card and a sheet giving her some post-healing advice, then they hugged and Cherie left.

Two weeks after her healing session Cherie was phoned by the professor who was running the wildlife program on which Gary had been employed to undertake field work, with her as his assistant. After initial introductions and expressions of condolence for the loss of Gary, the professor made Cherie an offer.

“I have reviewed your work from your dissertation on your course and in my opinion it is of excellent standard. So I am therefore offering you the position that Gary was to have filled. You will, of course, have a field assistant to help you collect and collate the data. Are you interested?”

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